perseverant | [action log go]

[The front door creaks open a few minutes later, and in sneaks Yosuke, cellphone clutched in one white-knuckled fist and eyes steady on the tops of his shoes. He's so out of it he doesn't even register that there's another set of shoes at the front step, turned so neatly towards the door (unlike Yosuke's, which will remain wherever he steps out of them). Sighing loudly he staggers his way towards the dim light of the kitchen, pulling his sweatshirt over his head.

That talk with Kanji was.... enlightening, if nothing else. Even after knowing him for nearly two years, Yosuke had to admit that the guy was still full of surprises. He'd expected anger, possibly tears or frustration - maybe even some scary hybrid of all three - but the beatific calm of his junior puts Yosuke utterly to shame. He'd managed to swallow all of his not inconsiderable fears and actually confess to the person he liked, despite being certain he'd be shot down; while Yosuke.... what? Couldn't bear hearing how annoying he was from the person he liked, like he doesn't already know full well how obnoxious he can be, in front of total strangers no less? It was totally emasculating.

He's so immersed in shame and confusion that he doesn't even realize he's standing in the middle of the kitchen in his sock feet with a wadded up hoodie in his hands, staring directly at that very same person as they tried to eat cup-noodle in peace. He reacts at last - far too late to play it cool - by jumping back in place.]

wh- WHOA!! Souji!

You're..... here!

[It didn't really bother him—when Yosuke's insecurities hit him, he wasn't sure what he was talking about half the time. Instead he just let Yosuke feel what he liked, and supported him from where he could. There wasn't much else he could do (even if things got odd, it wasn't a surprise, things usually got oddin Desai).

Souji's sitting down with his cup of noodles, chopsticks in hand, when Yosuke emerges in the doorway. He doesn't seem to be phased until his partner opens his mouth and ...speaks. Souji looks up, his mouth full of noodles.]

I live here.

[Obviously. Yosuke can't even suppress the weak groan and chuckle at his own expense. Just like Souji, to be proceeding as normal when everything around them was shaping up to be anything but.]

Oh, no - I just was hoping maybe you'd be out or... asleep....

[Oh, cringe. Not exactly the most welcoming thing he could've said. Already he feels like being anywhere else but there, nervously creaking his cellphone open and shut in his free hand.]

Uhhh.... that wasn't exactly how I wanted to put that.... Um.

.... Well, I'll just.....

[He moves towards the door unconsciously, before stopping himself. He'll just what? Leave him to his meal in peace? Run away to his room and hide for the rest of... whatever this was, so he didn't have to force himself to endure something he wasn't even entirely sure would be hurtful? With what feels like a herculean effort, he turns himself back around and staggers woodenly towards the table and takes a seat in the chair across from Souji.]

[There are times when Yosuke is odd—and even more times when he's just a little off—but this, in Souji's opinion, is almost ridiculous. Most of the time he doesn't bother to pinpoint Yosuke's behaviors, but the conversation they had over the journal system is the first thing to come to mind as the culprit. There's nothing to do other than proceed normally.

Souji just gives him an odd look, slurping up a mouthful of food while Yosuke stammers and finally decides to stay. Of course, he's straight and to the point.]

You're not worried about what I was going to say, are you?

[Yosuke's fully aware he's acting like a freak; it's why he's so nervous, after all. Every exaggerated reaction makes him feel like an even bigger tool, if at all possible; how Souji hasn't seen through him completely yet is beyond him. So when he levels that question at him over a mouthful of instant ramen, Yosuke deflates instantly in his chair. Shot through the heart, he thinks chuckling weakly.]

Ah, man..... Got it in one.

[And why's he so nervous, anyway? This is Souji - the guy who's seen practically everything there is to see about him and still remains as constant as Desai remains inscrutable. With a heavy, chest-thrumming sigh he sets his phone down on the table in front of him.]

.... Feels really lame admitting it now, though... seeing as I just got schooled in Emotional Maturity by someone who still gets misty-eyed over kitten videos on nicodo....

[Souji seems casual, anyway. In fact, he seems to be pretty casually chowing down on that ramen. Otherwise, his attention's on Yosuke, and he seems intent on listening to what he has to say.

A small smile spreads across Souji's face, as if he already knows.]

Kanji's knows his own feelings pretty well.

Oh what, and I don't!?

[Yosuke's first instinct is to laugh it off, because the only thing more awkward than admitting his own shortcomings is admitting his open admiration of someone. But when he glances up at Souji and catches the attentiveness of his gaze and warmth behind that slow, easy smile, he can't quite manage to keep his cool. His cheeks flush, sudden and hot.]

Well...... maybe not as well as I'd hoped....

[He stays quiet for a moment longer, playing with the strap on his phone before speaking again, voice hesitant.]

.... That was a pretty amazing confession, huh.

Something strange is going on. I don't think it would have happened normally.

[He slurps up a chopstick full of ramen, and smiles at his partner.]

I'm happy for them. Even if they don't know what to do with their feelings.

[He says as if Yosuke's cheeks weren't burning and this moment weren't entirely awkward for him. His attention never wavers, just as it never did when they used to talk in Inaba, and as Souji always did when they were together.]

[Yeah, just like old times. Yosuke, despite his embarrassment finds himself getting pulled back into Souji's easy pattern of conversation. Sometimes when it's just the two of them like this, it's like they're still in Inaba; where it's Desai is just a far-off point in the future, and this odd and warm affection doesn't yet have a name.

Both hands on the table now, leaning on his elbows, Yosuke passes his phone from hand to hand like a bizarre game of slight of hand; something to occupy his attention.]

You think.....? I'm not... really sure, actually. Seems like Kanji had made up his mind about this a long time ago...

And I think Naoto will come around to the idea, soon enough. I mean - after she analyzes it to death, and everything.

Even if she doesn't, Kanji's feelings are out in the open. Sometimes you just feel better expressing them, even if the other person doesn't respond. If it hurts for a while, it hurts. But they have the right to know the truth.

[As much as he loved Inaba, and as many times as he would return to it and call it his "home," he was aware of the people in the places that he visited. Inaba was where he woke up—where walking detached became less of a reality for him. Suddenly the world was painted so vibrantly, in colors that he couldn't even have imagined. As he slowly warmed up to them, as he began to feel the estrangement ebbing away, he felt like Inaba became his "home." As long as they were here, as long as Yosuke sat across from the table from him, juggling his cellphone carelessly between his fingers, it was where he belonged.]

[The more Souji says, the more that as-of-yet-unnamed something bubbles away, causing Yosuke's fingers to fumble and his phone to clatter against the tabletop. He knows, he thinks for one long, heart-stopping second, He knows and this is his way of getting me to chill out. Because that's what Souji does; he might carve the path, but he lets people come to him. If he pushes, it's only as much as you need to gain momentum.

But when he glances up, Souji's expression is as mild and inscrutable as ever. Watching his best friend chow down on noodles like they're his last meal on earth, it's easier to believe he's just reading too much into it. He sighs, and starts messing with his phone again, dragging it around in slow circles along the tabletop by the Jack Frost pendant on the strap.]

I guess.... you're right....

......... But y'know, he told me he was expecting to get shot down. When he was confessing, I mean. He knew he wasn't going to get an answer that would make him happy, and he did it anyway. ..... I thought that was pretty cool.

[He pauses, and chuckles to himself.]

Well, kinda dumb; but... cool.

[It's had to tell what his real intentions are. If he's being simple, and having a conversation about friends, or if he's hinting to some of Yosuke's more hidden feelings. Whatever he's doing, the ramen he's eating seems to be pretty damn good.

He lifts the cup, tipping it up to drink the last of the broth.]

Yeah, it is. He'll get an answer eventually, I think.

[No doubt about that; even the poker-faced prince wouldn't be able to pretend like nothing had happened forever, after all. Watching Souji slurp down the remnants of his dinner, Yosuke thinks, Something's got to give, sometime. He knows as well as any of them that nothing can stay in stasis forever.]

Yeah.... but what if things get awkward when he does get his answer?

It won't last forever.

[Is Souji's reply as he sets the papercup on the table, dropping his chopsticks into the bowl. He offer his friend a shrug.]

Nothing does.

[Yosuke pulls a face. Leave it to Souji to give him an answer that's both hopeful and yet utterly frustrating at the same time. For the first time in this conversation his hands are still.]

..... And say maybe things never go back to "normal"?

... Like... what if they decide they can't just go back to being friends as long as one of them is looking for something more?

[Is he even talking about Kanji and Naoto anymore?]

[Souji gives him a quirk of the head, though his expression is still as difficult to read as ever. He breaks into another easy smile, leaning forward onto the table on his elbows, cradling his chin.]

Then they'll deal with it as it comes.

[First of all, Yosuke thinks, That is totally cheating. Secondly.... he doesn't know. The thin wire that's running through him feels like it's hinged to that smile; the broader it gets, the tighter-wound he feels. Red faced, he leans forward onto his folded arms, bracing them against the tabletop. It's been a long time since he's had trouble meeting Souji's eyes; back before the days of limitless trust and comfortable silences, anyway.]

Dude..... you're making it sound too easy.

I mean, going all out and bearing your heart like that.... with no guarantee you can ever get back to what you had before if things go wrong....

[Just the thought of it makes something behind his eyes hurt. He has to raise one hand to his face and pinch the bridge of his nose. He has to laugh, in spite of himself.]

It's just.... ...... it sounds terrifying, y'know??

[Honestly, there aren't many times that Souji really thinks about things beyond what's happening at that moment. He's able to keep himself collected a lot of the time because he's able to focus. It makes him less complex, rather simple, actually, but effective. Instead of cheating, it was difficult. Making those kind of decision when the moment presented itself was challenging.]

Yeah, but getting turned down isn't the end of the world. What if she says yes? Then a chance would've passed you by. I think a little disappointment is worth knowing whether or not the other person feels the same.

That's more than just a little disappointment...

[This whole conversation is toeing the line so close, Yosuke feels like he's on a tightrope. Below him is the safety net - the easy escape into the discussion that's bled its way into what's right ahead of him, staring him in the face (metaphorically and literally.) Yosuke meets his steady, inquisitive stare with weary and pathetic one.]

So.... what about you? If you stood to lose one of your closest friendships, would you confess anyway?

[As if he doesn't already know the answer.]

Yes.

[There's resolve behind his voice. The same heavy resolve that had carried them through the last year in Inaba. Souji may have not been too smart, charming, or talented, but he had the sheer willpower to come through in any situation.]

[Yosuke should've known this would end badly. With that expression he'd put his trust behind and his life on the line for; that steady voice ringing in his ears it's all he can do to get his hands to his mouth in time, before his feelings come tumbling out:

"Just say it already."

Or is it,

"This is way too heavy"? It's hard to tell with his face buried in his hands like that.]

[It doesn't take long for Souji to respond, his brows draw down in an expression of concern. He leans in instinctively, drawing closer to his friend. He doesn't seem to realize what nerve he had suddenly hit.]

Hey, Yosuke? You okay?

Ugh, no. I mean....

.... I don't know. I just.... wish I could get a read on you, sometimes.

[His hand passes across his face and up into his hair, pushing it back off his forehead. His face is so flushed by this point it looks like he's been drinking; pink and miserable-looking, he glances sheepishly up at Souji's confused, concerned face.

Poor, earnest Souji - if only he knew the bomb Yosuke was carrying around in his chest.]

.... So you wanna tell me? How you really feel about me, I mean.

I know it's a dumb question and all but... I don't know what else to do, and I hate sitting here feeling like a freak all by myself....

[Souji isn't really a man of many words. He uses what he needs to express himself, but none of his friends would say that he's particularly verbose. He puts meaning behind his words, when he needs them, but there's something more striking about his actions.

With the small string of words "how you feel about me" it clicks for him. Suddenly, he seems to understand. The concern washes from his face into a look of quiet acceptance. There wasn't much that needed to be said for him.

Instead he turns his head quietly, and leans forward onto the table, meeting Yosuke's lips chastely.]

[For a second, Yosuke thinks he's hallucinating. Thinks it's just the gravitational pull of Souji's warm gray eyes that makes it seem like their faces are tilting closer together, or the heat in his cheeks that makes it seem like Souji's breath is so close he can taste it.

But no, he actually can, a salty and severe concoction of chinese five spices, artificial pork and cheap beer clinging to a warm and wet pair of lips, currently pressed lightly against his own. Yosuke takes a heartbeat to process that this is actually happening, and less than that to react.

One hand thrusts out in front of him in a defensive gesture, catching Souji on the shoulder and pushing them apart, back into their own respective chairs - and in this case, Yosuke's head against the wall. All it takes is a brief twinge of pain for that moment to be lost, and suddenly, they're both sitting where they started the conversation - but everything's all wrong. There's a step missing. Yosuke was angling to confess and get rejected, or at least get put in his place with a very firm "friends" label, but this....]

.... Uh- ......

... w-Well.... I guess that answers.... my question....

[Honestly, he can't help but look amused. Souji lets his legs go and and his rear hits the chair ungracefully. His head tips back with a knowing smile, and he goes back to lounging over the table on his elbows. Yosuke always took things too seriously (and sometimes he didn't take the serious things serious enough, depending), but to Souji, at this moment, it was kind of charming.

The look on his face gave everything away.]

We're friends, right? All you have to do is ask.

[And leave it to Souji to interject that sort of ludicrous comment, lending a bit of perspective to an otherwise surreal moment. True to form, Yosuke's temper is the first thing to get its bearings back.]

Dude, how am I supposed to do that?? It's not like you can just turn to your best friend out of the blue and say hey, I've found you irresistibly attractive for a while now and oh by the way, wanna make out??

[Late to the party - as usual - is Yosuke's common sense. Realizing what he's said just a moment too late, his expression becomes a bit more taciturn as he visibly closes himself up, withdrawing in embarrassment. Self-conscious off the kiss, he scrubs the back of his knuckles along his lips, but he can still taste it.]

A-anyway.... want to fill me in on what that was all about?

[He watches him through his tantrum, just listening as the words as his temper flares. Then, like in apology, he draws back, his tone changing. Souji quirks his head at him, contemplating leaning in once again. There's an amused smile that slides across his lips.]

I thought a kiss was pretty straight-forward. But if you want, I can tell you how much I like you.

[That's..... a pretty tempting offer, actually, now that Yosuke considers it - too often he's being told off for his obnoxious bluntness, maybe some sweet-talking might be a nice change of pace - but then again, the look in Souji's eyes makes him wonder if his heart can handle it.]

Dude I-- ..... I already know you like me. I'm not blind. I just mean.....

[He makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat - he's overthinking things! Again!! And if anything is bound to screw this up, it's sure as hell going to be Yosuke's insecurities. A glance back at Souji reveals him to be as cool and unflappable as Yosuke thought he'd be, simply taking the moment as it came to them. And Yosuke thinks: ah, hell with it.

And then he just stops thinking altogether.]

Okay, look.

[He slaps his hand down onto the table as if to say here, look right here.]

I know that sometimes, you sacrifice things for us because you care about us.... and you do, I mean hey, a peck on the lips is probably small potatoes compared to some of the other crap I've put you through!!

But if that was a "let's take pity on Yosuke and his big dumb gay crush" kiss, then... i-it ends here, okay? I mean it. That's not.... enough... for me....

[Towards the end of that sentence Yosuke's brain starts to come back from its impromptu coffee break, and as though realizing what has been made clear in its absence lowers the timbre of his voice down to an awkward mumble. Nevertheless it's out there, and Yosuke's staring up at Souji with his mouth in a grim, determined line, face flushed and eyes bright.]

[He can see it already. Yosuke's thinking too much into this. And then, as Souji's eyes follow him, Yosuke's hands slap down on the table, demanding his attention.

Well, all right.

There were times that he'd wish simply that Yosuke would let it go—that he would let this insecurity just pass him by. Too many times did he think that he was missing something because he drown himself in them. His eyes meet his partner's without hesitance, no flicker of embarrassment or second-thought. Suddenly, his whole expression was serious.]

This isn't that complicated. I don't like people just because they like me, you know that.

[And it's as plain as that, really. Souji's eyes are naked and honest; he might not say much, but then again he doesn't really have to. Whether it's the truth or a lie, Yosuke would trust him anyway.

And just like that, it no longer feels like he's fighting something. Like finally, he's stopped trying to lie to himself. Embarrassed, but still weirdly more calm than he's been this entire conversation, he just nods--]

Yeah. ..... Yeah.

[--and let's his solemn expression relax into a sheepish, helpless sort of grin.]

I guess I wanted to give you a chance to back out, or make me back off, or something.

I'm.... glad you didn't, partner.

[Despite himself, Souji's always been honest. Whether he was being a jerk or completely sincere, there was a level of honesty that was always in his face and in his words. This situation was no different. He watches Yosuke linger, watches him speak, carefully. His expression softens.]

Yeah, I'm glad too.

[He pauses.]

We can always make out.

h- Huh?! Dude, seriously??

[Yosuke's mouth ruins everything, as per usual. Though in this case it would be his undignified, overeager reaction to Souji's latter statement that completely ruins the flirtatious mood. Stay cool, Yosuke.

Struggling desperately to get the pace back, he leans forward a bit on his elbow, trying to look casual about it but only managing to look.... nervous. He opens his mouth to say something chill like.... okay, he's drawing a blank. But when in doubt, words will come out, right? (This has been Yosuke's unfortunate slogan for years - so far, it's done him no favours.)

Nervously, he lets his eyes roam the tabletop; over Souji's hands, his cellphone, the empty ramen cup, never Souji's face. His face feels like it's going to spontaneously combust.]

Oh man..... I--..

.... I really want to, now.... Can we?

[Well, he wasn't quite sure if he expected that sort of eagerness from his partner. His head quirks at him curiously in response, as if he's almost surprised at his reaction.

Suddenly, Souji's leaning forward and into his line of vision.]

[If Souji only knew how long, exactly, Yosuke had been harboring that emotion, it might give him some appreciation for the exuberance of his reply, and the considerable restraint he was already exhibiting.

Now that he's expecting it, Yosuke finds himself leaning in almost before he even realizes it. He really hopes his heart doesn't explode before he manages to get close enough. Leaning up out of his chair, he puts his weight on the stinging hand he'd used to slap the table and tries to gauge the angles - from this perspective it's hard to imagine what fits where and who's supposed to tilt their head when. He feels like a complete novice, so instead of trying to plan ahead, he just closes his eyes hard and leaves his luck to fate.]

[It seems graceful at first. Souji seems to find a way to move into him as he leans forward. He tips his head to the side, inching closer as his partner does. He seems like a natural, as if he'd kissed people at his very table, and knew the exact angles which to turn his head.

That is, of course, until he moves a little awkwardly and bumps the bridge of his nose against Yosuke's. The's the sound of restrain laughter coming from his throat, but he quickly makes up for it, recovering smoothly and catching his lips.]

[Things seem to be progressing unnervingly smoothly on Yosuke's end, too, so much so that he can scarcely believe that this is happening - at least until their faces mash together. That's the reality check he needs, and his laughter isn't nearly as pared back. With a throaty chuckle, he starts to say something, to draw attention to Souji's flawed delivery maybe.]

Dude, wha--

ah.

[That last part isn't so much uttered against Souji's mouth as it is into it, muted in surprise. For a second he goes a little rigid, but recovers himself just in time to lean in closer, back against the gentle pressure.]

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